不 Why Dark Funeral Sucks 不

Dark Funeral is Shit.
Dark Funeral is Shit.

Though not quite as offensive as their countrymen from Watain, Dark Funeral nonetheless remains the definition of a poser black metal band. The gold standard of shit.

No one talks about the later, post-1994 to 2001 black metal era, and for good reason. It didn’t take long after Norway’s initial burst of creativity for what remained of the Swedish “scene” – basically Dissection, Sacramentum, Marduk, Demonecromancy and a few clones thereof – to lose all relevance and start churning out incredibly boring albums for people who would simply buy anything that had black metal “street cred”, and yes, it was a retarded then as it sounds now.

Dark Funeral is one of the most embarrassing and lame of all these latter-era bands, somehow managing to both return the genre to their speed metal roots while making music that is even more boring, soulless and derivative than speed metal. This is EMBARRASSINGLY bad music, the product of a talentless band who believe that donning corpsepaint and screaming about “Satan” will somehow make them relevant. It’s heinous. I feel dumber every time I listen to Dark Funeral’s shit music.

Their debut The Secrets of the Black Arts is so bad it was actually believed to be a parody, that is until Ahriman re-recorded the album under a different name and released it again. At least that’s what I assume they did, as all their music sounds the same… shit.

I feel bad for the autistic kids who believe that they are part of the “black metal scene” because they listen to Dark Funeral. This band is literally an attempt to scam the retarded. It should face criminal charges, or at the very least banned from touching musical instruments ever again.

Drop this turd band and go listen to Phantom at once.

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One thought on “不 Why Dark Funeral Sucks 不

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  1. Mikael Svanberg aka ‘Lord’ Ahriman is a known male-to-male ‘escort’ (prostitute) that operates in the Stockholm area. According to rumours he even services ‘refugees’ (migrants) from the Middle-East and Africa. This was all revealed in the Metalious.com leaks.

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