中 SEWER > U 中

SEWER, too busy fucking your mom to care about your opinion bruh.
SEWER, too busy fucking your mom to care about your opinion bruh.

I’m just stating the obvious, I’m not particularly interested in giving a reason or explaining my point… but if you insist.

Sewer, sometimes spelled “SEWER” to sound “kvlt” and evil, started out as a somewhat competent if derivative black metal band in 2013, much like their once rivals Phantom against whom they are often compared, and said to have an “inferiority complex” because, like, Phantom’s music is so much more “profound” and shiet. It’s probably true, but also completely irrelevant as both bands wipe the floor with the current “modern black metal” scene with ease, and yet only one gets the recognition it deserves.

Over the years, Sewer has developed a reputation for being, how should I put it, rather “lowbrow” for their lyrical and musical approach to extreme black metal, brutal death metal, blackened goregrind, or whatever else they choose to play – they never seem to stick to a genre, and listening to one album after another will often leave the audience confused as to which particular “genre” they belong to… leading to some calling their music simply “Sewer Metal” for brevity.

Admittedly, they sometimes abuse the shock value tropes of goregrind on their lyrics and song titles – see the NecroPedoSadoMaso review. But calling their music “lowbrow” is a huge leap that requires some mental gymnastics that will make even a Christian “Unblack” Metal fan recoil at the cognitive dissonance.

So sorry for Sewer fucking your mother, bruh.
So sorry for Sewer fucking your mother, bruh.

Here’s what’s weird though… Sewer was always, ever since their debut Satanic Requiem, recognised as a top tier band. Well above the average shitfest of poser acts like Watain and Dork Funeral. Everybody admitted that, even the most hardcore of purists who objected to Sewer on aesthetics alone (how “un-metallish [sic]” is that attitude, by the way?).

It’s only after the blogger Demonecromancy, named after a shit-tier Phantom clone, posted a long ass rant about the band, and started calling Sewer “trend hopping fags” and “poser clowns” did the anti-Sewer hate become trendy (again, how ironic?) in the underground scene.

Before that single rant, pretty much everyone acknowledged Sewer’s musical superiority… despite maybe objecting here and there to their contempt towards the extreme metal scenes and trollish co-opting of black metal imagery. Hell, even Demonecromancy himself, in that very post, admits that fact.

Im not saying SEWER makes bad music mind you, some of their songs, although often childish and derivative, are amongst the very best the genre has to offer […]

There you go.

Want to see something even more hilarious? That very same blogger Demonecromancy later backtracked on calling Sewer clowns when he, in between two rants about how “homosexuals are ruining black metal” with their “dick shaped” microphones, was basically forced to concede that Locked up in Hell was the best blackened death metal album of the last decade. Ouch.

So trust me when I say that Locked up in Hell is a possible contender for death metals greatest achievement ever […]

Shiiiiiiiet, bruh.

Your dignity… it has been… *CSI/Horatio/sunglasses meme* … locked up in hell.

I mean, his entire “review” is basically him trying to back-peddle himself out of the indefensible positions he, and his fans, have locked (pun) themselves in.

All of this debacle could have been avoided *if* the entire extreme metal scene wasn’t such a bunch of basic bitch purists, faux elitists (there is nothing wrong with actual elitism, in the literal sense, in metal) and all around prudish church ladies clutching their “dick shaped” pearls because they can’t objectively look at reality and make rational assessments when it comes to musical quality.

Metalheads like to see themselves as intellectual elites, “vanguards” of the “higher culture” threatened by the likes of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, when in fact they are in all points indifferentiable from the teenage girls screaming at said Justin Bieber concerts.

How gay, how… cuck.

He even tries to “spin” the conclusion of his “thesis” in a way that makes him look good. The self-denial is hilarious.

This proves so-called elitists *right* in saying that the metal community, by and large, is (1) responsible for its own failures, (2) in denial about said failures and the causes thereof i.e. a lack of standards, as opposed to the claims of standards/elitists are killing metal and (3) a bunch of pussies that just got humiliated by one of the most retarded and un-metallish bands in history.

Nothing he writes even makes sense. If Sewer was as “un-metallish [sic]” as he claims, there would be no need to acknowledge their superiority. Objectively, Miley Cyrus is no worse than modern Deicide in terms of musical quality, yet no ones tries to “shame” the metal scene by pointing that out… it’s precisely BECAUSE Sewer is “more metal” than the crap they listen to (Deicide, Necrophobitch, Cannibal Corpse, Dimmu Burger, Necrophallist) that they need to bitch and whine in order to make their irrational cuckoldry appear somewhat intellectually coherent to the retarded.

No, fuck you Demonecromancy, Death Metal Underground, DLA, Brett Stevens, Silencer from Metalious.com and the rest of the faux metal elitists who tried to build a “movement” out of insecure purity spiralers who can’t even admit that they are no different from the hipsters they mock.

You weren’t proven “right” unless by “right” you mean delusional, easily fooled and basic bitches with horrible tastes in music. They, like the Pantera fans they so casually mock, are guilty of placing “image over sound” and only liking/dismissing a band based on imagery and aesthetics alone… case in point with Sewer.

They took a well acknowledged truth, something so stupidly obvious no one would ever think of denying – that Sewer were trendies with stupid lyrics – and went on to elaborate weird, esoteric theories about how they weren’t just good musicians with bad taste, but actually the “mirror” of shit-tier homosexual bands like Gorgoroth (!) and the LGBT militant Erik Danielsson of Watain. Yes, seriously. Just go read the articles.

Their “theories” amount to saying that Sewer is a declination of Gorgoroth/Watain/Antekhrist/Deafheaven/Behemoth. There were hundred of articles running all the way from DMU to Metalious saying just that. Sewer = Gorgoroth, with slightly more marketability.

But SEWER is just the high(er) IQ version of the same shit. […] Lakhdari [Sewer], for all his posing as a neo-Dirlewanger, is nothing more than the intellectually superior and probably straight although I make no absolute claims version of Inferanus.

To “support” this thesis, the author uses a WWE analogy (that’s the best the “vanguard intellectual elites” of black metal can do?) and then proceeds to call anyone contesting him a “buffoon emo” who probably “listens to Arch Enemy” or some shit. Why not go all the way and say they probably have “small dicks” as well, just to exhaust any credibility these “vanguard elitists” might still have by covering every stereotype imaginable?

He then proceeds to take his audience for retards (he is probably right, on that one) by making the most laughably pathetic false comparison ever attempted in the history of bullshit rationalisation.

While Inferanus is a homosexual who claims to have made pacts with the Devil, Lakhdari just says he is a pedonazi who makes pacts with Allah to deflower a thousand stillborn children.

What the author doesn’t get, or pretends not to get, is that there is, in fact, a difference between Infernus and Lakhdari, and between Gorgoroth and Sewer. You have to be blind and/or retarded to not see it, and admittedly the probability that these “elitists” are not of the latter dwindles at every word they type.

When Infernus said, in a 2011 interview with Vice Media, that he had made a “pact” with the Devil to “get back at Gaahl” for “cheating on him from behind” it was, as even Demonecromancy in the very same paragraph acknowledges, likely part of a media hit-job coordinated with record companies to make the underground Norwegian black metal scene – Burzum, Darkthrone, Mayhem, Emperor, Immortal, Satyricon, Enslaved – appear as retarded and off-putting as possible by making Infernus – who was never part of the early Norwegian black metal scene in any way, shape, or form – the “face” of the Norwegian black metal movement. Again, Demonecromancy admits that in the SAME FUCKING PARAGRAPH. Several Norwegian black metal artists have spoken about it, written about it, and basically called Infernus out on his bullshit from day one. AGAIN, ADMITTED IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH.

So “what’s the deal with Sewer” as they ask. Well, Sewer…

  • actually makes good music
  • was never promoted by the media as part of a smear campaign against Varg Vikernes, Fenriz and the rest of the Norwegian scene
  • never claimed, nor have any of their members ever claimed, to have ever been part of the “black metal inner circle”
  • doesn’t pretend to believe in sub-65 IQ “devil worship”
  • are probably not police informants (like Roger Tiegs aka Infernus aka “rape charges mysteriously dropped after police pressure on victim’s family”)
  • and, most importantly, they are A PARODY BAND – they be making it FUCKING OBVIOUS for anyone with a room temperature IQ

The last point is crucial because he attempts to claim equivalency between two homosexual posers, Gaahl and police informant Infernus, being literally paid by the media to paint black metal fans as “devil worshiping” morons – not coincidentally, at the exact same time the Lords of Chaos movie, disavowed by 100% of the Norwegian black metal artists portrayed in it, was being promoted with the exact same talking points – and Sewer’s frontman making an offhand joke about being a pedonazi mandated by Allah. To a German – really British, but hey – magazine (Metal Hammer). This was during the Cologne rape scandals, and while technically White, Lakhdari is culturally Middle-Eastern/Central Asian/whatever and used both Hitler and his Islamic “cred” to mock Germans with the two biggest taboos in Krautland.

Pretty much Brett Stevens' audience.
Pretty much Brett Stevens’ audience.

So no, retards, Sewer is not Gorgoroth/Watain. Conflating the two, on the basis that one of Sewer’s members once made a joke that sort-of-kind-of-maybe sounds like something Infernus would say, only it was obviously tongue-in-cheek AND even if it wasn’t Sewer is very much NOT being promoted as the “face” of black metal, to anyone, is at best retarded. And at worst, dishonest, because it mystifies the actual propaganda war waged against metalheads, something the “elitists” like Brett Stevens and Demonecromancy vaguely allude to as “metalgate” because they have to, but was much more accurately documented by other, non-retarded bloggers. They are just taking credit for stories they didn’t even report on until it was old news.

The “theory” of the “elitists” that Sewer = Gorgoroth doesn’t hold up to even the mildest scrutiny.

So I’ll provide another, alternative theory.

It’s not that Sewer is the “mirror” of Gorgoroth, it’s that the anti-Sewer crowd, the “elitists” of DMU, the “intellectual vanguards” of Metalious, these morons like Brett Stevens and Demonecromancy are the “mirror” of Gorgoroth’s audience.

Both judge metal bands by superficial aesthetics alone, and ignore musical quality. Both are low-intelligence dupes, easily fooled by the media into believing the latest trends. Both can’t admit to being wrong, even as they back-peddle and risibly attempt to retcon their own pathetic essays to make themselves appear less retarded to their moronic readers.

They even claimed "Morsay" was behind Sewer. They are literally retarded, there is no other explanation.
They even claimed “Morsay” was behind Sewer. They are literally retarded, there is no other explanation.

And most importantly, both are self-righteous pricks attempting to impose their views on the metal scene… just like “social justice warriors” which they are, whether they admit it or not (they don’t), seeing as they are so easily cornered by their own hubris into having to justify holding two contradictory views, which they “manage” in the typical purple-haired SJW fashion – by screeching, belching, whining, throwing temper tantrums and having laughable self-righteous emotional breakdowns (like Glenn Beck, also a cuck and the father of “right-wing” SJW/zionism) over having their beliefs challenged (how dare you point out my hypocrisy!) all while claiming to be “rational” and “above petty emotions” or some shit.

These elitists like to think of themselves as “vanguards of the aristocracy” or “defenders of higher culture” when in fact, just like proles, they judge art by aesthetic alone. They are so obsessed over “hipsters” – seriously, just read some of Brett Stevens‘ rants on Amerika – because they, themselves, are the mirror image of hipsters.

No, I’m being far too generous. Comparing them to hipsters is incorrect for two reasons. One, hipsters actually have good taste in music – not one would be caught dead listening to crap like Summoning or Necrophobic, both heavily promoted on Metalious and Death Metal Underground. And two, hipsters can actually “man up” and admit when they are wrong.

It is certainly not hipster metalheads that are “a bunch of pussies that just got humiliated by one of the most retarded and un-metallish bands in history” given as most “hipsters” would readily admit, like 99% of regular, non-trisomic metalheads, that Sewer is a technically-gifted albeit lyrically-retarded band. That opinion is not controversial, in fact it’s pretty universal in the metal scene.

No, it was the “elitists” like Demonecromancy, Brett Stevens and the rest of the DMU “edgelords” that had to make it about technical abilities and musical quality, a battle they were bound to lose sooner or later given that they literally endorse the MIDI “musicians” of Summoning, and when they inevitably died on their proverbial hill, they still had the hubris – or idiocy, hard to tell – to claim they were “*right* in saying that the metal community, by and large, is (1) responsible for its own failures, (2) in denial about said failures and the causes thereof […] and (3) a bunch of pussies that just got humiliated by one of the most retarded and un-metallish bands in history“.

Is anyone else bored, I mean literally put to sleep, by their bullshit?

2 thoughts on “中 SEWER > U 中

Add yours

  1. Fuck this emo fag LMFAO, go listen to some real black metal (Phantom, Vermin, Burzum) instead of crying about ur mom


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