🐐 “The Apocalyptic Triumphator” 🐐 Archgoat < Goat Sex 🐐

Archgoat – “The Apocalyptic Triumphator”

The Apocalypstick Goatfucker… what a stupid name.

Generic post-Craig Pillar, nu-Incantation worship robbed of anything musically memorable and mixed with unhealthy doses of deathcore breakdowns and war metal retardedness. Occasionally something resembling a riff even Trey Azagthoth would have rejected as too retarded will appear.

The real question is what the goal behind Archgoat releasing The Apocalyptic Triumphator is? To become a pay to play local opener for Dimmu Borgir or to suck the cock of Arch Enemy’s front-“woman” forever? Just to have a beer with Craig Pillard and Paul Ledney? To prove you don’t need 46 chromosomes to play war metal? Don’t worry, we all already knew that.

Archgoat are another example of black metal dumbed down into MTV2 Heagbangers Ball in 2003 nu-metal rock music format for scene-groupies and other posers who, if you swapped their cargo shorts and Fallen Angel of Doom shirts for pastel clothing, wouldn’t be out of place at a bisexual swinger “rape culture awareness” sonority party.

Nu-“black” metal… how pathetic.

While I try to appreciate their mentality as “primitive black metal revivalists,” some things are hindering their goals: the Beherit-esque artwork, band name, and the generic song titles which seem like unintentional self parody.

The music is also of the overloaded Watain/Revenge/Conqueror variety crossed with nu Immortal melodickless chug-vomit, like the TRVE KVLT bands that every local scene seems to have nowadays…

What a waste of time this Apocalyptic Triumphator turd is… I’d rather listen to Miley Cyrus’ latest hit, on repeat, that heard this buzzcore nu-metal crap ever again.

It’s sad that black metal went from Mayhem (a band on a mission up until 1994), Darkthrone and Burzum to silly comic book “satanism” and cuck-goth fetishism for the sake of shock value, almost as if trying to one-up Cannibal Corpse in the “music for the disabled” department (and succeeding, unfortunately).

Watain, Dark Funeral, Gorgoroth = Shit.

Even the bands that might be trying to break free from the Hollywood Satanism tard corral, like these guys, are just making music in this style for the sake of it, contributing nothing to the black metal genre and eventually just ending up as a pointless waste of space, like how Watain and Dark Funeral are just as bad as Cradle of Filth (actually worse) but expect golf claps and red-tape decorum for being vaguely stylistically similar and having the same anti-semitic rhetoric as their Norwegian idols.

Nice try, but it’s just a fraction of the worth of something old, and means nothing. Like Watain’s crappy dvds with their sham religious philosophy: “uh, don’t listen to pagan bands like Burzum, Bathory and Darkthrone, they are like, uh, posers and nazis and totally evil, but not REAL EVIL LIKE ANTI-COSMIC SATAN THE BLACK FLAME THAT BURNS INSIDE MAHA KALI OF FLAT EARTH, also outer space doesn’t exist, 9/11 was done by ‘sandniggers’ and totally not Israel, everything you see in the media is 100% real (particularly the Pitchfork reviews of ours albums) and the big red dragon will burn down the earth anyway so you got to read a lot of books, so when you read enough, you kill yourself, and go to another plane of existence, and uh, other stuff Jon Nödtveidt told me that the Therion guy is also into.” – Erik Danielsson, the 5’3″ BAD ASS who wears mascara.